How long has it been?

How long has it been since...

...you've squished mud between your toes because it feels funny?

...you've swung as high as your legs could pump you, turn your arms around so your elbows are faced outward and jumped as high as you could fly?

...you've danced in a store when you hear a funky beat?

...you've blown off all your meetings to play kickball in the street with the neighborhood?

...you've laid on your back in the grass (WITHOUT a blanket) with your legs crossed chewing on a blade of grass and daydreamed in the sun?

...you've set your alarm for 7am on Saturday morning to catch the full run of cartoons?

...you've had 2 inches of sugar left over in your cereal bowl?

...you've played in the rain on a warm sunny day being sure not to miss a single puddle?

...you've hung upside-down on the jungle gym?

...you've played the most righteous of air guitar solos?

As a kid, you mostly daydream of becoming an "adult," not being RULED by anyone and being in control of your own life...eating all the poptarts in the house if you want to! Not realizing how FUN life was when we were doing all those things listed up there.

As adults, we lose the ability to have "fun" like that because we become aware of consequences and PAIN. If I would jump out of a swing 4 feet high, I would surely bust open an ovary. Back then, I'd feel the sting in my knees, brush it off and try to get higher next time.

As adults, we worry about what the neighbors will think if they see us playing the air guitar and what the store patrons will do if we break out in a boogy in walmart when they play our favorite song. If it rains, we don't go out in it! What a hassle it would be to deal with wet clothes and I have better things to do with my time. Bills have to be paid, dinner has to be cooked and baths need to be taken. We lose so much of the ingredients to having FUN as adults.

I intend to play in the rain more often.

My mind needs defragged.

I can't tell you how many times I get these calls:

"Christy, I need for you to come over as soon as possible. I can't do ANYTHING on my computer! It just freezes up and I want to throw it out the window!!"

I make my way to their office and sit down at their computer to see what the problem is... I sit in amazement that they waited until the computer was this slow and non-functional before asking for help. How can anyone work under these conditions? I start digging around and find a computer that has thousands of spyware programs running in the background taking up all the memory. Spyware runs hidden in the background STEALING all the resources of the computer. This is a slow process and takes some time. Little by little the computer gets slower and slower because the spyware is stealing all the computer's resources. My clients sit with me and wonder aloud how they got all these spyware thieves. I explain to them that when they wander through unreputable websites they put themselves in danger. When they click on random popup windows, they open themselves up for hidden spyware to take root. Initially, nothing seems wrong with the computer. The spyware, running hidden in the background, begins to multiply and slowly takes over. The user begins to notice the computer is slow and soon the computer just freezes.

Almost always, they have no firewall whatsoever. They are not protecting themselves from those who want to rob them of their resources. Viruses have infected nearly every file in their system and they've let it get so bad they are unable to get any work done whatsoever. They find themselves feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, and impatient everytime they sit down to work on their computer. The spyware and viruses have stolen their joy.

I've realized today this exactly the situation that is happening to me. That computer is my mind. Along the way, I've shut off my firewall and have picked up spyware and viruses by clicking on "pop-ups" that tricked me and they have undermined my crucial operating system. I've become frustrated, impatient, confused and angry that I can't get anything to work efficiently. Stress is always running hidden in the background and it has stolen my joy. It has manifested itself physically showing me there is a problem.

1) I grind my teeth so badly the dentist said I'll have to have a complete jaw replacement unless I chill and stop grinding. I have to wear a mouthpiece at night.
2) I have migraine headaches due to grinding.
3) My hormones have caused me so many problems (all due to stress) that I had to have surgery last year.
4) I have muscle spasms in my feet - caused directly by stress.
5) Sleep doesn't happen often.
6) My face breaks out like a teenager.
7) I have TMJ.
8) I have to use a heating pad on my neck nearly every night to relax the tense muscles in my neck and shoulders.

These are just SOME of the things that should've clued me in that my system needed help. Instead, I let these things run in the background of my mind and steal all my resources.

Stress = my mind not having victory. If I can capture my thoughts, I will successfully defrag my mind. My thoughts directly impact my attitude and my mood....my stress level.

This analogy is so powerful to me and I'm working on a full defrag. It will take time because nearly every file has been corrupted, but little by little I'm regaining my resources - my joy.

Dude - that's deep.

Christy's Soapbox

I've decided to bless you guys with a new feature called, "Christy's soapbox." I will discuss things that just really "ERK" me...ok so I've lost half of my audience because all of my family members just shut this page.....whatever.

Dateline NBC has been doing a show for the past two years they call, "To Catch A Predator." Basically, they get men to talk to decoys posing at 12-14 year old girls, or in some cases boys. Most of these disgusting men chatting with little kids online will send them photos of their genitals before meeting them. All of them carry on sexually graphic conversations telling them what their intentions are and what they want from the children. They arrange a time to meet them at their home and the cameras are there to film the men giving their excuses instead.

They've been doing this show now for the past two years and nearly everyone has seen it. Yet, they still come. Doctors, Teachers, Rabbis, Marines...a guy who worked for Homeland Security even showed up. We all sit stunned and amazed this sickening behavior is so prevalent in our society...but why are we so shocked?

We (as a society) have turned our little girls into sexual objects. We put 12 year old little girls on stage with makeup and provocative clothes and have them sing seductively to the camera. We (again as a society) view our young female actresses through a sexual camera angle. The magazines and talk show "size them up." There was a website with a countdown to when the Olsen twins were "legal!"

Turn on the television and tell me how we are training our little girls to look and behave. Gone are the days of leg warmers or bobbishoes - now our teens are sporting hip huggers and bellyrings. Yet, we're stunned when we live among this many grown men who are stalking child victims on the internet...

Our society is now paying some consequences for making Britney Spears a pin-up as a pre-teen if you ask me.

My Valentine

No "romantic" love to speak of this Valentines Day. I was kinda feeling sorry for myself today, then realized I should be rejoicing on the "day of love" this year. This year, my son is my Valentine. I've spent the last two years on this day without my baby boy, but this year he's back home.

I have a great memory of Valentines day with AJ. We used to make Valentine boxes together for them to take to school. One year, AJ worked so hard on his box. He made it into a Michael Jordan tribute of sorts. We worked together for hours on that box and he was very proud of it. It makes me smile to remember that day.

Now, I can't say we made a box together this year, but I want my Valentine to know how much his mommy loves him. (AJ...be sure to send this to all your friends) I never knew love until I felt the love I have for my babies.

I made my Valentine take a photo with me today. He didn't realize I was making it into a love letter...or he probably would've smiled better. *wink* I love you my sweet baby boy.

100 Random Facts about me.

1. I love lima beans.
2. I work too much.
3. Nothing makes me happier than fresh, clean sheets out of the dryer.
4. I want to learn how to target shoot.
5. I hardly ever sleep well.
6. I am addicted to dental floss.
7. I want to see the world.
8. I am very competitive.
9. I feel better about myself nearing 40 than I did at 20.
10. I love to sing karaoke.
11. I rarely iron anything.
12. I would like to live near a beach.
13. I really wanted to be a forensic psychologist.
14. I love to do yoga.
15. I had the best 80s hair ever.
16. I now drive a stick shift with no power steering.
17. I talk to strangers every day.
18. I love people.
19. I can still put my feet behind my head.
20. I type over 120 words per minute
21. I sometimes dream my teeth are falling out.
22. I can rollerskate, but not rollerblade
23. I do not like to talk on the phone.
24. I feel obligated to vote.
25. I used to think I was a republican.
26. I can knit and crochet.
27. I secretly like to listen to Eminem.
28. Pedicures make me feel better about life.
29. I can quote all 66 books of the Bible in order.
30. I wanted to marry Eddie Van Halen.
31. I hated my middle name, yet named my second daughter the same name.
32. I am overly sarcastic.
33. My parents are still married.
34. I have the ability to love unconditionally.
35. I do not watch movies alone.
36. I sleep with a pillow between my legs.
37. I still feel like I did as a child in most ways.
38. Without hair dye, I would be mostly gray.
39. I never knew I could love so hard until I had my children.
40. I understand my mother now.
41. I rarely get nervous.
42. I never eat at a restaurant alone.
43. My nickname as a kid was PURPLESOCKS because of my undying love for Donny Osmond.
44. Racism angers me.
45. I feel more comfortable around men than women.
46. Espresso makes me feel better.
47. I have few female friends.
48. My biggest fear is that my children will make my mistakes.
49. I am quite opinionated.
50. I could never stop eating bread.
51. I am afraid of drowning.
52. I love green olives, but hate black ones.
53. I like broccoli only if it’s cooked.
54. I have an irrational fear of garbage disposals.
55. I had chicken pox twice.
56. My favorite shirt as a child said “Sit on it.”
57. I would never date a man who bites his nails.
58. I cry every time I watch Titanic.
59. I have very small feet.
60. I never paint my fingernails, but my toes are always painted.
61. I love rings but have none.
62. I hate winter.
63. Candles soothe me.
64. I would like to write a book.
65. I love the art of debating.
66. I have never been on a real diet.
67. I sing in my head nearly 24 hours each day.
68. I grind my teeth.
69. I dislike those who litter.
70. When I do rock, paper, scissors I always do rock first.
71. I love raw onions.
72. I hate oreos.
73. I prefer pie to cake.
74. I do not eat when I am stressed out.
75. I cannot remember ever stealing anything.
76. I rarely finish watching movies I don’t like.
77. I can recite nearly every Seinfeld episode.
78. I want to be have powers like X-Men
79. If I won the lottery, I would still work.
80. I have never broken a bone.
81. I have never been arrested.
82. My favorite job was being a grocery store cashier.
83. I cannot belch on command.
84. An elephant once sneezed on my face.
85. I hate diet pop and any kind of tea.
86. I was kept off the honor roll almost every grade card by my conduct grade.
87. Lazy people annoy me.
88. My favorite number is 11.
89. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and work.
90. I go to Barnes & Noble to read books I don’t want to buy.
91. I suck at trivia games.
92. I would eat nearly anything covered in chocolate.
93. I compare every man to my father.
94. I never liked Elton John’s music until I grew up.
95. I love to play cards.
96. I have paid my bills online for nearly ten years.
97. I always wear a seat belt.
98. I have a headache nearly every day.
99. I hate going to the movies.
100. I overthink everything.

Is shopping a form of torture?

I really hate to shop for almost anything. I kind of have a "dread-like" feeling approach at Christmas time because I know I'm going to have to go to the mall.

I just don't get it. Crowds of people shuffling by one another...bumping into one another...looking through racks and racks of clothes. Women (in general) spend hours and hours pouring themselves over racks of clothing and then...to top it all off...trying them all on! Many times, they try them on for fun because they have no intention of purchasing the item. If they do decide to purchase, they have to stand in line in order to do so.

I would rather listen to a George Bush speech than do anything in the above paragraph.

Grocery shopping is almost as bad. Every time, I manage to get behind the lady with six kids - 2 in her cart (at least one trying to make a daring escape from the cart) and the other four straggling behind her competing for who can knock down more displays.

Am I really a girl?

Awakening Change.

This year I have really changed. 2007 has only been a reality for 44 days, but in those 44 days I've felt a spark inside. In that short time, I've begun to find clarity. I've realized that I do not care for myself like I care for everyone else that I love. I think many women forget to take care of themselves because they are so busy...so very busy...busy taking care of everyone they love.

Ever see someone concentrate so much on their exercise technique that they "forget" to breathe? I have been forgetting to breathe.

Women - we care for our loved ones with such "tender" love, but most of us put ourselves on hold until everyone else is content...but then we're just too tired and sleep sounds better. I am guilty of this and had no idea how much it was effecting me, which in turn also negatively effects those people I'm working so hard to make happy.

This year, I decided I would make a conscious effort to care for myself.

I joined a gym and get this....I actually go! I had no idea what a stress reliever running on a treadmill could be. Anyone who knows me knows I love Mountain Dew. I realize it doesn't love me nearly as much. I've replaced many of them with water. I honestly feel better physically than I have in ten years.

I have, for the first time in many years, been building up my spiritual walk again. I have to say there is truly nothing else on earth that brings me peace. I am beginning to look at my life from an entirely different angle. I don't really know what that means just yet, but I feel stronger.

I have been trying to "capture" my thoughts and I have to say they are beginning to change. It's just like breaking any other habit. Our thoughts dictate our mood and ultimately our behavior. Imagine how much more peaceful life we controlled our thoughts instead of the other way around. It's difficult. Start paying attention to your own thoughts and see what percentage of your thoughts are negative.

2007 is going to be a good year for me. I have many pedicures in my future.

Why do women only get the interesting restrooms?

Restaurants typically spend alot of time perfecting the women's restroom and ignore the mens. Walk into any women's restroom in a swanky restaurant and you'll find comfy couches, wonderfully smelling soaps and lotions, magazines and such. It's almost like they think we're gonna hang out in there and socialize....ok so this happens sometimes.

Well boyz...times are a-changin.

Edge Designs is an all women run company that designs interior office space. They recently designed the office space for a company that was also run by all women. (yes, women can run companies....can you imagine the cat-fights?!)

Men typically do their business and are out of there. Not so in this joint, I'm sure. They painted a "mural" on the wall to kind of "make up" for being overlooked in the restroom all this time.

I'm letting go.

Over the past ten years, my life has been extremely stressful. This stress has weighed so heavily on me at times that I can physically feel the weight on my shoulders and neck...as if I'm carrying cement bags around. This stress has manifested in many physical ailments over this time.

On November 5, I walked into a church near my daughter's school. I had noticed their sign over the summer and felt drawn to go to the opening service. That morning, everything changed for me. Starting with that morning and continuing to this moment, God has used the people in that church as a mouthpiece to speak to me.

On the bad days, I've prayed. However, I've only just realized I've been praying to God dictating to Him how He is to fix this situation. I'm trying to pray in more of an "open" fashion allowing God to control how problems are resolved. Can you imagine how much my stress level will decrease if only I can do this?

I thought I had 2007 all figured out. I could feel God's presence. Starting from Jan1, NOTHING has gone like I anticipated. The rug was pulled out from under me and my "plan." Now I must trust that He knows better than I and R-E-L-A-X.

I feel I'm being pruned. The gardener saw past my overgrown state and saw the beauty that could be. It's not a comfortable place to be, but I'm looking forward to the peace that will come if I can let go.

Balls of Steel

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Veronica Lario, wife of Silvio Berlusconi, the former prime minister of Italy took out a front page letter to the editor of large newspaper, demanding that her husband issue her a public apology for extravagantly flirting with other women.

Imagine dinner that night. *smile*

Apparently, her "husband" couldn't keep his snide sexual remarks about other women out of the press. I would say this was some "visible" revenge. Think she got his attention?