Midlife CRISIS?

You know - I've always heard about midlife crisis' and I think I may be having one. Although, I think the name is all wrong. I don't feel like it's a crisis at all. I feel like I'm becoming FREE.

Anyone who knows me, knows this has been yet another very difficult year for me. You know what? Who cares. Boo friggin hoo.

My daughter told me she didn't want a life like mine. It made me start thinking about what kind of life I have. I really don't. I got married at 18 and have spent almost every moment since then living for someone else. I think many women do this and it is admirable, but I have been living each day trying to make my children's future brighter. I am almost 40 now and really don't know who I am.

Someone asked me recently, "What do you like to do?" I have thought about that question since and have discovered.....I don't know! I don't know if I like to skydive. I might?! I don't know if I like to hike mountains (although I have a pretty good idea I wouldn't) but I DO NOT know! I don't know if I like California. I don't know if I think aliens help build the pyramids. I don't know if I'd be tall in Japan. I don't know what happens when you drink the water in Mexico. I don't know how long it would take me to be stoned in the Middle East.

I don't know.

I want to do things that help me determine who I am and what I like to do. I want to eat italian food in Italy. I want to see if chefs in Japan can get the egg in their hats quicker. I want to try to sink in the Dead Sea. I want to ride a mechanical bull (ok with a chiropractor nearby). I want to try to talk some sense into Osama Bin Laden or at the very least show him my legs.

I have spent my life settling. I only get one life, right? Who's with me?!!!

....back to work for now.

*wink*